Video: Connecting with others when healing from chronic back pain
*Actual snippet from Module 9 in my Back Pain: Deep Healing digital program.
Feeling disconnected and unsupported is often a huge component of chronic back pain. By nature, it’s easy to be constantly filled with thoughts of making ourselves more comfortable and avoiding flareups.
When healing chronic back pain, releasing false beliefs, and adopting more empowering ones, you may notice some of your relationships shifting.
The person who used to treat you like a pushover may be upset because your new belief about yourself and your self-worth is no longer allowing yourself to be treated this way. Or you may be finding that more positive people who lift you up are entering your life and you want to learn how to attract more.
So here’s a big idea you can keep in mind when building and strengthening connections with others.
Show the other person that you care how they’re feeling.
There’s two parts to this statement.
First, in order to receive support and share a deeper connection with someone else, they need to also feel supported by and connected to you.
Think about all the times that you truly felt connected to another person. Supported by another person. They probably took the time and energy to really focus their attention on you. They probably gave you support first, maybe nodded in agreement with something you said or validated your feelings in some way. Then you felt really great and started opening up even more to this person.
Like I said earlier, with pain, what naturally happens in conversation is that you are often focused on yourself. Which means that the other person is not feeling supported by or connected to you. Yet, we expect them to support us and be there for us. We might get angry, frustrated, impatient, etc., which pushes the other person even farther away from us.
Hence, we feel disconnected and unsupported by the people around us.
You can stop this vicious cycle by turning the conversation around to focus on the other person instead.
Second, show them that you care how they feel - don’t make them feel any certain way.
That’s what most of us do. We try to make other people laugh, we try to make them calm down, we try to make them smile.
But you’re not truly caring how the other person feels. You’re mostly just caring about how uncomfortable you’re feeling as the other person stands there not smiling or laughing or otherwise showing that they like you. By making them smile or laugh, you’re trying to dissolve your own discomfort.
So start getting curious.
And to learn more about why connecting with others is essential to creating a happier and healthier life and how to do so, please visit jessicamaytang.com/backpain.
This article and following video are actual snippets from Module 9 in my Back Pain: Deep Healing digital program. It is designed to support people with chronic back pain to uncover the deeper root cause of their pain and heal on body, mind, and soul levels.