LY 38: "No" Right Now Vs. "No" Forever
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Hearing or experiencing “no” is already painful by itself. For example, applying for a job you like and not getting it does not feel good.
And hearing "no" multiple times hurts even more. For example, applying to a bunch of jobs that you like, and some that you don’t even like, and not getting a single one hurts a lot.
At some point, after a certain number of job applications and subsequent rejections, you naturally start thinking, “Oh my god, what if I NEVER get a job? What if I’m not good enough?”
"I never got any of the past jobs - what makes me think I’ll get it this time?"
And this is how a “no, not right now” becomes a “no, forever.” We project the past onto the future.
The pain that we carry around from the permanent “no” is what can create chronic stress on our bodies. And chronic stress leads to chronic health conditions.
In this episode, Rachel and I discuss the importance of analyzing your “no” beliefs. Have you inadvertently turned some of your “no, not right now”s into “no, forever”s? Is it really “no, forever?” or are you projecting the past onto the future? How can you start thinking about the situation differently and release the pain you’ve been carrying in your mind and unknowingly, in your body?
Rachel and I also discuss the importance of detachment. Oftentimes, our “no, not right now”s become “no, forever”s because we’ve attached a ton of importance to the thing we wanted to hear a yes for.
For example, continuing with the job example, your mind starts telling you “I'm never going to get a job” because you’ve put a ton of importance on having a job.
Yea, but who wouldn't?? You have bills to pay!
The ironic thing is that it’s this attachment that is creating so much pain and fear. Believing “I’ll never get a job” is most definitely not helping you during job interviews. If you were to put yourself in the shoes of a potential employer and you were interviewing someone who was clearly vibing on the “I”ll never get a job” or “I’m not good enough” level, would you hire them? I wouldn’t.
So to release your mind from its attachment to getting a job, you want to ask yourself one of Rachel’s favorite questions: "How can I be ok with NOT getting a job?"
So take the outcome you don’t want and ask yourself how you can be ok with it too.
That way, you’re not carrying around a bunch of extra stress and pain that is just attracting more stress and pain into your life.
(Some possible answers include: I have savings, this gives me more time to spend at home with the kids, I can start that side biz I've been thinking about, etc.)
We hope this episode is helpful for you in analyzing your thoughts about what you desire in your life and how to release your attachment to it.
And for many of you guys who listen to the podcast, I know that you’re struggling with chronic illness.
So the question for you is, “How can I be ok with being ill for the rest of my life?”
And you will probably hear a voice in your head say, “WTF? WE ARE NOT OK WITH BEING ILL FOREVER! NOT OK.”
But understand that the attachment to being healthy might have changed your conclusion after one treatment method that didn’t deliver the results as you wanted from “Hm, this didn’t work” to “NOTHING IS EVER GOING TO WORK.”
And if you carry this belief around, you better believe it will be true for you in your life.
(Possible answers might be: I still have the people I love around me, I connect with those I love in different ways - technology is very advanced these days, it's still up to me to enjoy the things I can do, etc.)
Enjoy, and thank you for listening!
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