LY 49: How Am I Here...Again?!
Last week on the podcast, I talked about what you can do to move through feeling frustrated that you used to be happier and you don’t know what’s wrong now or how to fix it.
Another common phrase I hear from clients is, “How am I here…again? I’m just so frustrated with myself. I can see that it’s a pattern, but I don’t know how to fix it!”
And this week on the podcast, you will learn 4 steps to help you move through this so that you can stop yourself from making the same mistakes again.
Step 1: Address shame and guilt.
When you find yourself playing out the same patterns that make you feel not-good, it’s completely natural think things like:
How can I be here again?
How could this happen to me again?
I’m so stupid! How can I be so stupid?
What’s wrong with me?
And these thoughts commonly create feelings of shame, guilt, anger, and resentment…towards yourself. Like I shared with you in Episode 45 (Sorry! I accidentally said 46 in the episode!), guilt and shame are different emotions created by different thoughts.
Without identifying and acknowledging what we are feeling and then to fully allow ourselves to feel that emotion, we end up creating energy blockages that can manifest from emotional symptoms into physical bodily symptoms.
What you resist persists
When we do not acknowledge the emotions we feel, we are resisting them. We are putting our heads in the sand like an ostrich. But it only makes the emotions and the thoughts triggering those emotions to become even louder in your mind.
Be patient and compassionate with yourself. You never want to rush this step because if you don’t allow yourself to feel your emotions, they will show up 10-fold as you go through the other steps, which just creates more shame, guilt, anger, and resentment (towards others and yourself). And those feelings are just perpetuating and attracting to your more of the same patterns you want to release!
Step 2: Where you are is a gift.
You want to really feel this in your heart, which I understand is very hard when you’re in the thick of things. When you’re going through something awful and someone tells you that it’s a gift, you want to punch them in the face. Totally valid.
When that happens, it usually means that you haven’t fully allowed yourself to feel through your emotions in Step 1 just yet. So be patient with yourself.
If you hear, “I know I’m angry, but I’m sick of being angry!” in your mind, or “I should think of this as a gift", you know that you are should-ing yourself about getting over your feels...which is the same thing as resisting (and persisting) them!
Take some time to get curious.
Ask yourself, “How is what I’m going through a gift? What is it helping me achieve? What are some potential good things that can come out of going through this pattern again?”
One common answer to that last question is, “Well, if I didn’t go through this same pattern again, I wouldn’t be so fed up with it, and I wouldn’t get help for it!”
Another possible answer is that your current situation is providing you with another opportunity for you to practice your voice. For you to stand up and say no and hold firm. For you to express your boundaries.
Be a friend to yourself.
Treat yourself with kindness.
Notice the language that you are using with yourself.
I highly suggest taking pen and paper or your computer out and writing down the conversation you’re having with yourself in your head. I do this every time and I keep writing until I can soften up and treat myself with love, kindness, and respect.
Be patient with this part!
Step 3: Get curious about the purpose of the pattern.
Once you’re able to even come up with one reason why your situation is in fact a gift for you, the next step is to get curious as to WHY you’re finding yourself in the same pattern again.
Ask yourself, “What is this pattern protecting me from?”
For example, one of my relationship patterns is feeling unhappy because “we never do anything.” I find myself feeling really angry and restless with thoughts like, “He’s my boyfriend - he’s supposed to want to go out and do things with me, but he never does! Why do I keep dating people like this?”
And on the surface, I think it’s the guy’s fault, right? I think he’s not being a good enough boyfriend to me or he doesn’t love me enough.
But when I drop down into my heart center and ask my inner self what this pattern is protecting me from, the answer I get is, “rejection.” Thinking it’s his fault is protecting me from feeling rejected. Instead of risking possibly feeling rejected by asking to go out and do things more often (which I hardly ever do), I just don’t ask and then blame him and reject him before he has a chance to reject me.
Step 4: Release the need for protection.
The answer to the question in step 3 is most likely your core subconscious pattern that is creating a lot of the unhappiness or upset in your life, including this pattern that you want to get rid of.
In order to release it fully, it will take time to keep practicing on a conscious and subconscious level. Like I talked about in last week’s episode, you can use conscious methods like journaling, affirmations, and meditation to release the need for protection and choose a different subconscious pattern.
Here’s an example of choosing a different pattern: Let’s say that the subconscious belief is “I am unloved and uncared for,” you can consciously transform it into “I am fully loved and cared for.” It will take time and continued practice during challenging times in order for this new pattern to truly be your new normal.
So again, be patient with yourself.
Know that every single challenging moment that comes up is another opportunity for you to practice your new pattern and beliefs. Without this challenge, you wouldn’t have practice, and without practice, the old pattern will never change.
You can also reframe your perspective by asking yourself, “How is this thing I am protecting myself from something to be embraced?”
For example, if the thing you’re protecting yourself from is rejection, you can ask yourself, “How is rejection something to be embraced and not afraid of?” One possible answer might be that rejection allows you to leave emotional space for something else better down the line.
Another option is to use the Upgrading the Child Guided Meditation. This is for you if you are:
Having a hard time pinpointing exactly what their subconscious pattern or belief is that is causing unhappiness or unfulfillment, OR
Having trouble releasing that old pattern and transforming it into a new one
Fill out your info below to listen to the meditation!
If you are looking for help in the form of a “jumpstart” on the subconscious level, Rapid Transformational Therapy is one of the options that are available to you. This is what I am trained in.
During an RTT session, my job is to help your mind relax enough to allow your subconscious mind to show us what needs to be healed and transformed. And over our 30 days of working together, you’ll learn how to supplement that subconscious transformation from your RTT session with additional conscious shifts so that you have the tools necessary to transform yourself into becoming who you truly are with confidence and inner peace.
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