setting boundaries in friendships

*First published via email on Friday, January 25, 2019. Click here to subscribe.

 
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Hi,

In today's digital world of instant communication, it's easy to get swept up into feeling like you need to respond to things right away.

Some of you have been emailing with me and worrying about bothering me or taking up my time, and I wanted to thank you for taking the time to share that with me. I appreciate that you respect my time, especially since I have an old story (that is slooowwlly unraveling) that I need to protect myself from being taken advantage of.

In response, I have shared a special agreement with some of you because I WANT to see your emails and love receiving them. And today, I figured I might as well share it with everyone! :) 

The agreement goes like this, "I promise to only respond and send any form of communication when I am in the best heart, mind, and soul space to be present and loving."

This means that both of us will only reach out or respond to any message or email or anything else when we are in a space of love.

I am definitely someone who has a hard time saying no, so it's taken a while to learn how to NOT respond to things right away just because I feel like I have to. I actually call this "reacting," and I want to be someone who responds to things with love instead. And the best way I've found for me to do so is to actually WAIT until I'm in the right frame of mind and heart space before I respond to anyone.

Waiting until I'm in a heart space of love also makes saying "no" a lot easier, too. It's no longer an angry or resentful or reactionary "NO", but a loving and expansive "no, thank you."

Whenever I share this agreement with someone, I feel like a deep layer of trust is formed. It creates a foundation of mutual love and respect.

I've been sharing this agreement a lot of with my readers and followers, and it's interesting how easy I find it to share it with you guys. Maybe because this is a relatively new relationship that I'm forming with you, so it feels good to set a foundation from the beginning. Or maybe it's because I'm behind a computer and find it easier to release my fears and worries about you judging me. :P 

Sharing this agreement with other people in my life (outside of the digital world) has been admittedly harder. I get afraid that I'm rocking the boat or I'll upset them somehow or be seen as "weird." But I'm slowly releasing those fears (and sometimes diving in head first into them) and have been pleasantly surprised at how well it's received. The biggest thing is that it's lifted a huge layer of guilt, shame, and sometimes even resentment that I didn't know I was carrying.

I'd love to hear from you - What do you think about this agreement? Will you join in on this with me? How do you feel about using it with other people in your life?

With love,
Jess

 

 

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