when you feel challenged by others
*First published via email on Monday, March 18, 2019. Click here to subscribe.
It's my last full week in the Bay Area, CA, and I'm doing my best to soak up as much time with friends and family and enjoying the different spots in the Bay that I like or haven't spent much time in as I can. I'm in Berkeley this morning after dropping Melo off at work, and I'm just enjoying the collegiate energy here. Lots of bright-eyed, super smart people planning on doing big things in the world. :)
Over the weekend I spent some time with old friends and even met some new ones. I ended up feeling "some type of way" about one person because my beliefs about my self worth were challenged.
In response, I felt defensive and didn't really speak the rest of the time because I didn't want to say something I would regret later on. "Why is this still happening to me? Why am I still attracting people who think it's ok to boss me around? Why do I feel so defensive when I start sensing that? Why do I have no chill?" was running on repeat in my head for HOURS.
I went home afterwards, barely said hello to my family, immediately ran upstairs for a long, hot shower and hid out in my room the rest of the night. I let myself feel whatever I wanted to feel.
The next morning while chatting with my family, I still felt annoyed that I was still attracting such people into my life...until Melo suggested, "She's giving you practice, babe."
Yes, she was! She gave me an opportunity to practice my boundaries. She gave me opportunities (multiple) to say "No, thanks"! She gave me opportunities to practice saying "No" without freaking out!
And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is what this week's podcast episode is all about. It's about shifting the annoyance and upset that we feel (which is more often than not attached to shame and feeling like we are "not enough") when we find ourselves in the same patterns that we are trying to move away from.
It's about embracing these challenges that come up instead of thinking we are doing self development "wrong."
It's about embracing the opportunities to practice the new versions of us instead of shaming ourselves for not being able to respond or react in more "high vibe" ways.
It's about loving ourselves even when we respond in ways that we don't really like instead of feeling like we're so "blocked" that even the Law of Attraction and manifestation isn't working for us.
So you see, I'm still practicing applying these shifts in my everyday life, just like you are.
It takes time and gentleness and self-compassion to practice these new patterns of thinking, feeling, and acting.
*finger guns* And THAT, my friends, is what Self Love (and the secret to true happiness, in my worldview at least) is!
And like Melo was able to do for me, it helps to have an outside person to remind you and help you shift your perspective from self-deprecation to self-compassion. Ask friends, family members, significant others, or even friends on social media to help you out. They don't have to be coaches, either. I have a girlfriend from high school who I recently reconnected with who is a lawyer and we set up agreements to remind each other that our feelings (even the uncomfortable ones) are all completely valid and every challenge that comes up is another opportunity to practice being our true selves.
I see you and I love, you,
PS: Look out for the BONUS GIFT I have for you in the episode. It's one of my favorite meditations and it's actually a technique that I use in my RTT (Rapid Transformational Therapy) Sessions with clients to help them transform their subconscious beliefs! Click here to go to the episode.
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As a coach, I am still constantly learning how to create the life I desire and manage challenges that come up along the way. I started writing daily emails sharing personal stories, examples, and responses to questions in the hopes that it can also spark something great for readers like you.
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