HOW do I turn my grand vision into reality?
*First published via email on Wednesday, February 27, 2019. Click here to subscribe.
I hope you're having a good week so far. I just got home after visiting my friends who just had a baby back in December, and it was a lovely time.
It blows my mind that so many of my friends who I used to chat about school and work and horrible professors and boys with are now making adorable, delicious smelling (anybody else love that baby smell????) little humans. And watching their husbands transform into daddies has also been one of the most heartwarming things I've ever experienced, too.
As a 30 year old, a bunch of people around me are getting married and having babies, so naturally, it's been on my mind too. When I was dating my first boyfriend all throughout college and grad school, I didn't want children at all, and he did. I was still a little girl myself - no way was I have babies.
And now, because of all the relatively "unstable" ground that our lives are on (both Melo and I are entrepreneurs, so there's a lot of uncertainty and stress for us in the now and the future), we aren't sure if we want to have kids. At this point in time, I think it would actually be downright irresponsible for us to birth little humans.
My parents also have pointed out that it might not be a good idea for us to have kids (I am very close to my parents, and it does take me some conscious effort to remember that their opinions are just that - opinions, and not truth).
But my future self most definitely has babies.
She runs a brick and mortar business with her husband and an online business on the side, has a beautiful, supportive community around her, and raises her babies to be kind, ever-growing humans.
And life is fun. It's busy, but it's fun.
It's full of exploration, adventure, growth, and acceptance of each other as we all continue on this journey of becoming who we truly are. It lights me up from the inside to see and feel into this grand vision.
At the same time, this vision and all the questions that ego creates (e.g. HOW are we going to get there? ARE we ever going to get there? What if we FAIL? What if it's not REALISTIC?) gets super overwhelming. Which I think is very common for those of us who are getting clear visions of our future selves.
It's easy to focus on how far away we are from our grand vision and to feel discouraged.
We want the quick fix - "Leave the relationship," ego screams, "because we are NOT failures." Or is says, "That vision is WRONG and completely unrealistic and ridiculous and we should forget about it and never think about it again."
Ego gets really black or white when it's afraid.
Have you experienced this? You have that grand vision, but not knowing how to get there leaves you feeling overwhelmed and paralyzed?
When I hear these kinds of black or white thoughts from ego, I do my best to remember that we can redirect it.
First, we need to soothe ego by hearing it out. "What are you afraid of?" I ask it.
"Of failing," it usually answers.
"I see you, and I hear you. I understand that failing is very scary for you. But is it really true that not becoming a mom would make us a failure? And what if we didn't fail?"
The question, Is that true? is a powerful question that Byron Katie teaches people to ask themselves. When ego is freaking out, you can ask it if all the things it's afraid will happen (and what it will mean about you and who you are) are really true.
Usually, the answer is no. No, I wouldn't be a failure if I didn't end up becoming a mom. There are so many women on this planet these days who aren't able to have children and they are most definitely not failures at all.
I then ask ego for help coming up with all the things in my life right now that ARE aligned with my grand vision.
Sometimes, it takes a little time for ego to cooperate and help me come up with those things, and that's ok. I give it the time it needs.
After that, I ask ego to help me identify the thoughts, feelings, and actions that I can change in the here and now that will move me further into alignment with my grand vision.
For me, instead of trying to push away ego and its loud voice asking, "SO ARE WE HAVING BABIES OR NOT?", I have decided to believe that I DO NOT need to decide that right now.
Instead, I have decided to spend more quality time with Melo exploring new things together instead of staying cooped up in the house staring at separate screens. I will work on asking him to do more fun things with me without being attached to the outcome (instead of not asking for fear of rejection). I will continue to work on breathing through fear and anxiety so that they can transform into excitement. I'll keep you posted on how it goes. :)
I invite you to try these steps out next time you're feeling overwhelmed or discouraged that you're nowhere close to your grand vision. Look for where you are in already IN alignment, and you'll feel a renewed sense of energy to continue moving forward towards your goals.
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