STOP trying to get out of the funk!

*First published via email on Thursday, February 7, 2019. Click here to subscribe.

 
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Hello,

My boobs have been sore again. Since Sunday. I was super annoyed at my body because my calendar said "fall/boob soreness" wasn't supposed to start until Wednesday (yesterday). It was hurting a whole 4 days early! WTF.

So my brain has been was swirly. Oo! Here's another recipe for you!

Recipe for a Swirly Brain:

  1. Take one big helping of "How did the last four weeks go by so quickly? How is it already "fall" again? I'm not ready to wind down! There's so much I need to do! I need to wind UP!" and start swirling it around like a madwoman.

  2. Add a couple spoonfuls of "Everyone thinks I sit at home watching movies all day long like a deadbeat and there's so much I need to do (like write a book, do guest podcasting, and make a million bucks) to prove them wrong." Keep swirling!

  3. VIGOROUSLY swirl in "I should have done more. Because now it's fall and I'll be grumpy for the next week and tired for the week after that and only want to watch Netflix and read books."

  4. Add heapfuls of "I'm so effing lazy!!!! Women go to 9-5's every day and I justify reading books and watching shows all day long! I'm LAZY!" KEEP FUCKING SWIRLING.

  5. Start throwing handfuls of "I should journal," "I need to change my beliefs," and "I need to build evidence for why I DON'T TOTALLY SUCK" to the whole bloody mess. The messier the better.

  6. KEEP FUCKING SWIRLING. Add pinches of random "I should I should I should"s and "I need to I need to I need to"s to taste. The bitter-er the better.

  7. SWIRL EVERYTHING TOGETHER VIGOROUSLY TIL THE END OF ALL TIME. The faster the better. The mixture should be super lumpy and super brown/black.

Lol. I hope that gave you a good laugh. But I swear there's a point to all of this.

Last night on a group coaching call and last week during a conversation with my dear friend and fellow healer, Jess Peña (alright, Universe, I see the patterns, I hear you), the idea that maybe we are "should"ing ourselves about our inner work and that's what creates the scary low depressive periods we had been experiencing.

We think it's sadness that makes us feel depressed. But I truly think there's a HUGE DOSE of guilt and shame in our perceived inability to FIX HOW WE'RE FEELING that catapults sadness into full-on depression.

How many of us SHOULD ourselves to GET OUT OF THE FUNK? 

"I shouldn't be this 'negative.' I should be more 'positive.' Nope, I need to CHANGE MY THOUGHTS and beliefs. I need to poke this issue and FIGURE OUT WHAT THE PROBLEM IS AND FIX IT."

But all of these shoulds are just eating away at us. These shoulds about how we should be doing better is what is perpetuating the cycles of shame and guilt that lead to depression.

Like above, in my swirly brain recipe - did you catch where I started shoulding myself?

Jess wrote a blog post recently about her experience going through this. We were both going through this at the same time - feeling super low and then shoulding ourselves about not feeling so low and needing to fix it because we are healers and coaches, dammit. We had to DO THE WORK.

I hope you'll give it a read as I think this is a very important topic. And it happens way more commonly than we think.

What starts off as new healthy habits (e.g. changing your beliefs) can easily start to feel more like shameful "should"s. I hope talking about this helps you to become aware of if and when you do this yourself.

The real "secret," if we must, to living a fulfilling life filled with inner peace and confidence is to ALLOW OURSELVES TO JUST BE. With so much love and compassion towards ourselves. Without the need to fix anything.

So today, I don't have a solution for my swirly brain. And I'm going to let myself be ok with that.

Have you ever experienced this before? When you feel sad or angry or hurt (or, as most people want to call it, "negative"), do you tell yourself you shouldn't feel that way? Do you immediately try to fix it? 

With love,

Jess

PS. Thank you Jess for allowing me to share your writing on my website. If you missed the link to read about Jess' experience going into depression and coming out the other side to find her light again (not to be cliche, but that is seriously what it feels like), here it is again.

 

 

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