releasing imposter syndrome
*First published via email on Thursday, January 24, 2019. Click here to subscribe.
Boy, imposter syndrome is really hitting hard these days. I've been feeling like I have so much to work on within myself that's it's never-ending. It takes energy to remind myself that I can be a great coach AND still have a ton to work on in my own therapy and coaching.
Actually, in order to BE a great coach, I need to be constantly working on myself. If anything, just to be a better and more clear channel and guide for others.
It's so easy to fall into my usual, familiar patterns of "I need to be an expert and if people see that I can't even take care of myself, they're not going to want my help."
But I'm learning more and more so that being a great coach has nothing to do with what the individual coach is going through personally.
I do my best coaching by letting go of "expert Jess" and just being an open channel for Universal Energy and Infinite Wisdom and Love, and I am choosing to move forward by focusing my energy on dismantling my ego walls in order to be a better channeler.
Although I need constant reminders. Like multiple times a day.
Tonight, I remembered a little ritual that my friend and shamanic healer, Lucy Tobias, taught me.
Before each of our sessions together, I'd take a walk and pick up the first little rock I see that fits in my palm. And at the beginning of each session, Lucy would have me blow all of my fears, worries, doubts, and anger into it. Usually by the second blow out, I'd be sobbing. It always felt like the biggest release. A lot of the time, I didn't even realize how much I was carrying and holding inside of me until I started blowing into the rock.
After our work together each day, Lucy would have me toss the rock out somewhere with my eyes closed. This was when I was living in LA, so I usually drove myself out to the ocean and chucked it into the waves.
Today, I wanted to release this feeling of needing to protect myself all the time.
So I adapted that same ritual using a piece of paper. I took a piece of paper and crumpled it up so it fit in my hands. I take a huge breath in, held it at the top, and blew super hard into that piece of paper, repeating to myself, "I lovingly release the need to protect myself as this need to protect myself is not mine. I do not need to protect myself as I am my inner self and am comprised of Infinite Peace, Love, and Wisdom, which needs no protection."
Then I took that piece of paper and chucked it in the trash.
I'm a bit of a pyro, too, so I'm thinking of getting myself a little cauldron or a fire safe dish to burn things in. How cathartic it would feel to watch that ball of paper burn!
Have you ever done anything like this before? How did you feel before and after?
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