how to honor & respect uncomfortable emotions
*First published via email on Tuesday, March 12, 2019. Click here to subscribe.
I just finished interviewing Kathleen Hanagan on the podcast this morning, and I can't wait to share the episode with you all in a few weeks. Her book has been very interesting to read and has given me further hope that every challenge that we encounter in life is building up our sense of inner strength and inner peace. I truly think that that is what we are all looking for in life when we say that we want "happiness."
And with my clients, I've been talking a lot about what it means to allow, honor, and respect our emotions. ALL of them. Not just the "positive" ones. Because emotions are just energy.
When we allow ourselves to feel our emotions, we are allowing energy to flow through our bodies.
When we don't allow ourselves to feel emotions, we are blocking that energy flow, which can create emotional and physical pain.
In her book "Loveseed," Kathleen shares what a teacher called Zoe Marae said: "Emotions are units of movement. When you experience an emotion, a movement of vibration is created that generates vitality and health. Denying or controlling an emotion stops the movements of vibration which generates exhaustion and physical decline."
And when we stop the vibration of emotion from moving through us, the same situations arise over and over again that trigger the same feelings until something breaks and there's a big blowup or meltdown. What you resist persists.
I think two of the scariest emotions for most people are anger and sadness.
When we feel those two emotions, especially for us empaths, we immediately want to stuff it down. We don't want to say something to hurt someone else or ourselves. So we walk away or take deep breaths to stamp it down. We "talk ourselves down." But when we do that, we are stopping the energy flow.
"But Jess, I DON'T want to say anything hurtful."
And you don't have to. The trick to not saying anything hurtful is to practice something called detachment.
When you detach from your emotions, it doesn't mean that you numb yourself out. It actually means the opposite of that.
You allow yourself to feel the emotion, really feel it, while observing yourself feeling it as the emotion moves through you. You're observing how your body feels. You're observing the thoughts going through your mind.
It takes a sense of curiosity to do this. Instead of saying to yourself, "I AM ANGRY and here are all the reasons why!" what you end up doing is, "Hm...I notice that I feel angry. I wonder what that's about?"
Whenever you use the words "I AM," you are defining yourself. There's a level of attachment that is implied in those words. So instead of feeling angry, you are being angry. And being angry creates a vortex of attraction that attracts more situations that create more of the same angry feelings to you.
On the other hand, when you say, "I feel angry" and get curious as to why, that emotion moves through you and you get to come out the other side feeling calm, peaceful, and present much faster.
And if there is a problem that needs to be solved, guess when you're the most productive and efficient at solving them? Not when you're angry, that's for sure. It's when you are feeling calm, peaceful, and present that the real solution reveals itself to you.
This is definitely a practice. A practice that I am still learning myself.
My default emotion is anger. I grew up around a lot of anger, and anger is my safe zone. I used to hate that about myself. (Just kidding :P I am still learning to accept this part of myself.)
So be gentle with yourself. Practice self compassion.
Realize that every time you feel something you don't want or like to feel, it's an opportunity to practice detachment. Without this practice, it will take decades to rewire your brain and subconscious patterns (that took decades to create) so that you can channel inner peace and love the way you want to.
These challenges are opportunities to practice letting an uncomfortable emotion move through you with ease. To the point where the emotion passes through quickly and easily and you reach inner peace faster and faster over time and practice.
What are your thoughts on this?
With all my love,
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